Once upon a time, a woman was walking along the road enjoying the view of beautiful mountains and the valley behind it. Suddenly, she stumbled over something on the road. It was a big rock, she stopped and cried out of pain. She continued her path but no longer looked at the flowers, or at the people, or at the sky. Now she began to only look at the road, only look for the stones that could hurt her. And so, her path became full of stones, each bigger and scarier than the other. And she walked, picking up these heavy stones, feeling nothing but pain and resentment, not noticing the beauty that was around her…
Our life is full of stressful situations and painful experiences. They lurk and wait for us around the corner and hit us hard when we least expect them. They can show up as a misunderstanding in the family, a conflict with a negative salesperson in a store, or as a devastating event–a catastrophe, loss of loved ones, trauma, or accident.
The fable above is a perfect description of the common reaction most people demonstrate in stressful situations. They immediately succumb to the influence of the negative emotions, and get defined by the obstacles in their lives, “becoming” their trauma. However, there is another way to deal with life’s challenges. We can learn from the most horrific experiences, and become a wiser, happier, and more powerful version of ourselves.
The main difference between these two reactions is resilience. Resilience is the ability of a person to withstand various influences and maintain integrity and functionality. Resilience can be both physical and psychological. Physical resilience means fitness, endurance and the ability to cope with physical exertion. Psychological resilience, on the other hand, means the ability to maintain mental balance and overcome emotional difficulties. Some people are born more resilient than others, but resilience can be learned, developed and maintained. It requires introspection and self-improvement.
In my book, 52 Pieces: A Manual of Light to Survive the Abyss of Trauma (2023), I define three main types of resilience that are associated with each developmental “stage” of trauma. I symbolically call them: the abyss, the spark and the light. Let’s discuss each stage and the type of resilience associated with it.
I visually represent the stages of trauma as a pyramid, similar to the Maslow’s pyramid of needs (1943), where the higher level cannot be achieved if the previous level has not been mastered. Similarly, when we encounter either physical or psychological trauma, we first need to merely “survive” the shock caused by the sudden interruption of our familiar, comfortable pace by a difficult experience. Then we need to develop endurance to overcome devastation caused by a lengthy duration of the negative aftermath. Finally, we need to redefine ourselves, and resurrect as a new version of ourselves.
Below I will discuss each stage and provide some strategies for developing resilience.
#1 The Abyss
In order to transcend your trauma, you first will need to go through the darkest stage, or “the abyss”. This requires basic survival on a physical and/or psychological level after your body and your soul got hit with the painful event. Here, the shock of the event creates a lot of disturbance in your psyche. Keeping your mind from pulling you into the negative spiral down is the most important task.
One of the most effective techniques of mastering the mind is to connect it to some natural processes like walking, breathing, or saying a mantra. Focusing on the breath, which itself is a powerful energy process, also helps to extract prana energy from the air. An energetically charged mind can easily maintain a state of calm, naturally dispelling unnecessary and unnecessary thoughts from the mental space.
Once you relax, you need to move your mind from the space of the head, where it does not receive enough energy impulses, to a different area of the body, like the abdomen or chest. There is much more energy there, and it is of a slightly different quality. If you manage to break away from the suffocating thought of your problems, then it will gradually loosen its grip and will set you free.
In the next section, I will guide you through the next step of the healing journey (the spark) where you will slowly but surely see the light at the end of the tunnel. This next phase is difficult but imperative for your healing. Knowing how to maneuver around new obstacles on the way to your complete recovery is the key to your success.
#2 The Spark
After this initial survival, you can proceed to the “spark” level–the stage when you need to find strength to pull through a long and difficult recovery, and keep finding inner motivation to keep on going. Here desperation from a lengthy negative psychological or physical state is the biggest challenge to deal with.
The trick is to realize that even if you don’t see the successful outcome yet, it is already on its way; you just don’t feel it because your mind does not have a program for perceiving it in your reality.
Visualization allows you to create such a program for your mind. Our subconscious mind cannot distinguish imaginary images from real ones. In recent years, neuroscientists have been able to prove that absolutely everything is real for our subconscious. For example, in their preparation for the Apollo flight, athletes were connected to special devices. Incredibly, while they were “running the distance” in their imagination, they activated the same muscle groups and increased their heartbeats the way they would if they were actually running that distance.
You can conduct your own experiment to experience this yourself. Imagine yourself at a table where your favorite dish sits in front of you. You examine it carefully. You imagine smelling it and tasting it, and then eating it with great pleasure. Now stop and notice how much saliva has formed in your mouth. As a result of visualization, your subconscious mind believed that you had real food in front of you, and prepared you for the digestive process by sending a corresponding signal to the salivary glands.
I encourage you to use the following visualization protocol daily to manifest your dreams; it is the visualization protocol I use for myself. It consists of five steps:
- Set a goal that can be implemented in the near future. What do you want to experience in your life?
- Create a clear mental picture. Visualize the desired situations or objects, paying attention to the smallest details, as if it is happening in real time, and as if everything has already come true. And the more senses involved in the process, the better. You can cut out photos and put them on the fridge. I had pleasing pictures of myself saved on my computer and phone screens, social media accounts, etc.
- Before you go to sleep, take a glimpse at the visual images of your desired outcome and allow the feeling of already achieving it penetrate every cell of your body. Feel, see, touch, hear, smell the completion of this manifested desire in your mind. Add the feeling of gratitude for already having it. If you can see it in your mind, it is already yours! This should be the last thing you do before falling asleep. Do this daily. You can also repeat the positive affirmations I discussed above to support the joyful, happy feeling.
- During the day use your images to continuously remind yourself of your main intention. I had affirmation cards related to my healing and beauty spread everywhere around the house. In my kitchen, bathroom, mirror, next to my computer and my bed. You draw a symbol, or a word that represents your desire. When you see these reminders, your mind will automatically visualize your desired outcome and visualize it. The more you remind yourself of your desire, the stronger the neural pathway it creates in your brain. Repetition with emotion is the key! When the neural pathways are strong enough, your subconscious mind will look for and find the best and fastest ways to achieve your results.
- Keep strengthening these pathways even further by rewiring your brain to HOW it sees your desired outcomes. Using self-hypnosis is extremely effective for this task. Keep reminding yourself that this is already a part of your reality NOW. Use present tense to create that mental picture, where you “have it now,” or you “are it now.” With consistent practice, even if you are not consciously aware of it, your subconscious mind will be seeking ways to satisfy your wishes and bring them into your life. This visualization protocol will present the desired outcome as real in your mind, as well as discard any doubts. Perform each visualization for as long as you want. This process should bring joy, like the joy of a child who receives a favorite toy as a birthday gift.
The final stage, the light, is often the hardest one, even though it seems more positive than the previous two. Let’s discuss what can be done to develop resilience here.
#3 The Light
The “light” stage is where you can choose to see your misfortune as advantage. Learn from it, and rise up yourself and your life, while serving others on a larger scale. The biggest challenge here is redefining yourself, as you will never be the same you were before your unfortunate event. I give the following analogy to this process in my book:
In the computer world, the 1.0 version is the initial release of the program. When a company releases the 1.0 version of its product, it puts its feelers out and collects feedback. The 1.0 version is exciting and new, but it may be flawed. It has limited features and might even have bugs. If the product takes off, great. Over time, the company analyzes the data it has collected, identifies problems and develops solutions. The company learns from its mistakes, improves the software, and eventually releases its 2.0 version–a more advanced, mature product–to the market. The 2.0 version is even more powerful than the first, an improved version of itself.
Look at yourself in the same way. Your 1.0 version is who you were before the accident. Are you ready to upgrade? Ready to learn from the 1.0 what worked and what can be changed? Are you ready to advance to 2.0?
Your trauma is your reset button. It is your opportunity to level up, to upgrade yourself and your life
Most people live in their 1.0 reality, scared to change, unable to move past the threshold of pain. Only those who have what it takes to learn about themselves, to face their own demons, let go of unproductive features, and add new characteristics and life goals are capable of changing their status quo. And the best thing is that this time around YOU would be the one who gets to choose who you want to be rather than inherit it from someone else (society, teachers, family, partners).
After surviving my own tragic accident, I fully understand the true meaning of the words of Alexis Carrel. He noted the grand paradox and secret of our existence in the physical world by stating that “man must carve himself from the rock that he is made of, which is the very same rock in which he is bound.” We are the marble and the sculptor!
To conclude, I want to remind you that you are powerful beyond your beliefs. Trauma is not necessarily the grand negative event that happens TO us, but our reaction to it. Your resilience gives you a choice to be absorbed by your “bad fortune” or transform it into something meaningful and powerful. Sometimes, it takes the Universe to break us into a million pieces to rearrange and put us back together with a new realization of wholeness.
Find the author
52 Pieces: A Manual of Light to Survive the Abyss of Trauma
52 Pieces: A Manual of Light to Survive the Abyss of Trauma is based on Dr. Marina Kostina’s near-death sky-diving accident and her miraculous journey back to life. Dr. Kostina’s body and face were broken into 52 pieces, and it took 10 surgeries to put her back together. The book details author’s personal struggle with PTSD, depression, and anxiety through the abyss of her tragedy, using her background as an energy healing practitioner and hypnotherapist.
Dr. Kostina offers useful “tools of light” for those who are going through traumatic events to find meaning and purpose in their seemingly desperate circumstances. She also reveals the secrets of manifesting faster timelines and healing, finding the right doctors and creating miracles that defy the laws of the physical world. She provides insights into the “science of magic”, which helped her create full and complete recovery in a short time and beat many doctors’ prognoses.
This book will inspire you to find strength, resilience, and deeper understanding of self, and your place in this world.
The book is also accompanied by a set of inspirational Cards of Light that you can use for meditation, as a motivational tool, or for creating miracles in our life.
